My Life

Let's talk about

My life.

Yes my life.

Maybe boring for most of you

Or tear-jerking

May make you feel guilty

Angry

Lucky

or maybe it's just nothing at all.

My aim of this post is not to make people sympathise

I'm just gonna type it out

And share it with people who are at least interested in knowing about my life

Or why I always have 'emo' tweets

I do hope to inspire though

:)

Here goes...

Past

A really happy family.

Dad earns a lot

Mum earns a few K too

Life was smooth sailing

Maids to do everything, literally

What a lazy bum I was.

Had good grades

Was in the best class in 6 years of pri sch

1B 2B 3B 4B 5B 6B

We would always go for holidays

Oh how I wish things would always remain the same

But things don't.

Now when I think back, I detest myself from the past.

I was so ignorant, and really stupid.

Taking things for granted.

That's when you least expect a disaster to strike

Ok so dad has a mistress and mum found out about his dirty messages.

She cried. Maid was worried. I was scared. My brother started to swear, for the first time, at my parents.

I still remember one morning...

I was in primary 2.

Me and my brother were sleeping in the masterbed room with my mum

Lol my dad got chased out and had to sleep in the living room

he tried to appease my mum in the morning

apologised many times.

mum threatened to kill herself.

Dad prevented.

Bro and I cried.

Children, innocent, and pretty much helpless.

Imagine the large fraction of cruel reality you have to face, when you were only 8.

they made up. But things didn't last for long. Mum always knew he had a mistress even after that time. My mum almost caught an STI. Luckily, she discovered it earlier and she is fine. Mum moved into my room to sleep with me. Every day. Till now.

Dad declared bankrupt. Mum was fed up.

She told me it was the 2nd time.

Dad was always short on money.

Things continued to complicate.

And they finally filed for divorce

At that time, I couldn't get over it.

Until now, I still can't.

Present

Since dad is still bankrupt, he is always broke. Okay, so he still has a mistress. Bought her an iPhone. He never saves up. Always spending too much. Then he became a thief. Stole all of my mum's jewelry, obviously when we are all not around. Probably pawned them, got the money and spent more on the mistress.

Every night he would be whispering onto the phone with that mistress. Mum was distraught. Not because of him. no. She's worried about our future. If we will even have the money to afford a house now that all the jewelry is gone. How to pay for the education? My brother's 6 years of Uni? Boy, she's always worrying, just doesn't show it.

Oh how much I wish my dad was a much better person.

How much I wish that I had a righteous father.

How much I wish, for things to be right.

Ok so now we have to send our dog away. We can't really afford to keep him anymore. Since no one will be providing for us. We will be on our own - me mummy and bro. That really pains me. But what to do? I can't do anything at all. They are still fighting for the house. I hope we get the house. So that my mum can sell it and financial wise we would be more stable. But we can't predict what's the outcome just yet.

Everyday I go to school, just wanting to laugh as much as I can.

It's something that I can rarely do at home.

my home is just like a hollow shell.

really, it feels empty.

I know I'm not alone.

But I do feel alone, at the toughest times.

I know I always quarrel with my mum.

and to make things more awkward, we share the same room.

It's weird. To quarrel, and then sleep beside each other.

I don't really mind the lesser amount of privacy (ok maybe a little)

But because of this sharing of space, we've quarreled a lot more often.

And I know she thinks I'm a bad daughter.

I think i am one too.

But I'm trying to be nice now.

Cos I don't want to burden her and make her life anymore worse.

I'm trying. and it's hard

Future

I can't tell you what my future will be like.

I only know that my parents are separating in a month.

A month from now...

you can say my mum will be a slight bit happier.

I'm not sure about myself. My bro will be doing fine. He's not an emotional person.
I think, I will just hate my life a little more.

Cos my life really sucks a lot. -.-

Dk where my dad will be.

Just hopes he learns from his mistakes. Lead a healthier life.

Spiritually, and physically

I'm really worried what will happen to us if we really are out of money.

Cos now, everything needs money.

Where the hell am I gonna get money?

I hope my mum won't be bankrupt too.

Life will be hard, for sure.

Harder than it already is.

Everyday will be a struggle.

Just like how it is right now.

Just, more tiring.

And to see all of my friends,

Having quite normal lives.

I really wish to lead a normal life too.

But it does seem to be too much to ask for, right?

Maybe my life is meant to be like this.

And hopefully it means that the later part of my life will be better.

I think I'm living, just so to live the highest peaks of my life.

Which is definitely not anytime soon.

It's impossible, for my life to be all time low. Please I hope not.

And through all this, I've grown a lot.

Seen a lot. Experienced a lot.

Matured a lot as a person.

It isn't entirely bad to mature earlier.

But sometimes when things are fucked up

You feel yourself losing a part of your innocence.

I think I'm strong (lol bhb moment)

Cos I know pain, a little more than others.

When I see others cry just over their results,

It really angers me. A LOT.

Cos there's much more things to good results.

There's such a thing called attitude.

And with this sorta attitude, crying over a bad (or good - to me) result,

Where can you go? How far can you go?

And I'm always thinking,

'Girl, you haven't seen the worst of this world. and you're crying like it's the end of the world.'

True, that I've not seen the worst yet.

But at least I won't cry over minor little things anymore.

Learning Points:

1. Perseverance

I'm always gonna go against the tide.

I won't back out so easily.

I'm not gonna give up.

I will and must go forward

Cos you've known the road behind you.

There's no rainbows there.

Forward, is the only way, to see new things, and experience happy moments.

If we keep living in the past,

We would just torture ourselves.

If we don't let go of our memories, new ones can't come in.

Why be so hard on ourselves?

Change your attitude, so that you can change the scenery of your path

2. Feel fortunate - treasure life

There's always someone out there who is a lot worse than you.

ALWAYS.

I know that there are millions of people that are less fortunate than myself.

So, I'm not gonna throw my life away.

Cos my life is a gift.

No matter how dark it gets,

There's always a glimmer of hope.

If you don't give up, hope will not give up on you.

Always feel fortunate. And help others, if you can.

Or at least, have a heart for the less fortunate.

Your life is not the worst. So if someone out there, who has a pretty lousy and bad life, can survive his/hers, why can't you?

After the ups, it's the downs. And vice versa.

It's not the end yet. Don't throw away your life.

3. Always look on the bright side.

In everything that we do, good or bad, there's a bright side to things.

In anything that happens to us, it will probably teach us a thing or two about life.

Get them in your head!

It will help you a lot.

And when you encounter a similar situation, you will be grateful for the bad experiences that happened to you.

Do not just look things from one side.

Look on both, but more on the bright side. So you will feel better too.

Okay, so this is a rough idea of my life. I think it's a pretty lengthy post. To those that read till the end, kudos to you. Hope you learnt something, or felt something.

Do you feel that you're lucky?

Should you treasure your life a little more?

Do you think, you should cherish what you have now, before it's all gone?

just like how my family vanished..

P.S I'm sorry if there's a lot of problem with my english or some typos. Cos when I was typing I was in a rush. :p